The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
