she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sext me about skeletons
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
