Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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