i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
