Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
