You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
