Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
