I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
my liver is dry heaving
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
