When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
