Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just cropdusted the office
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I enjoy the company of your penis
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
