If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
