In America we eat man semen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
