Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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