One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
