my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just cropdusted the office
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
