I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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