Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
