i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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