His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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