im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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