are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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