and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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