did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
