i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
