It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Randomize
