just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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