At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
