this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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