I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
