So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
