my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
