I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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