You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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