Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
