Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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