this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
