Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize