I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
should my penis look like a turkey
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
