mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
