Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
