If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
