i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
