I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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