Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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