Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
