dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize