is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just high enough for therapy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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