in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
