So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
