In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize