Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he thought i was a dude.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
