I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize