Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
zippers are such a cool invention
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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