If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
