He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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