??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
