Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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