I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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