he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I sprained my soul last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
