I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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