she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
