FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
