I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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