dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
