Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
