Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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