i was born a porn star she said
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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