the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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