I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
