I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
