Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need water and some morals
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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