its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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