why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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