I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
